


Devil in the Details (How to Write a Once Script)

by Ellynne



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 02:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5400038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellynne/pseuds/Ellynne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A humorous look at how season five may have come to be.  Perhaps there was something in the punch. . . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	Devil in the Details (How to Write a Once Script)

"Oh, I know! Let's go to Camelot! We're going to get Merlin, so let's go to Camelot!"

"Yeah! That'll be cool! And we can have court dances and stuff. And music.  I want music.  Oh, and let's bring Belle! Everybody gets upset that we don't give Belle enough to do, so let's send her along!"

"Wait, didn't we leave Belle by Rumple's bedside while he's in coma? Why's she leaving him?"

"Uh . . . somebody tells her she needs to. The Blue Fairy. We can have the Blue Fairy do it. We haven't used that actress lately."

"Why is Belle listening to the Blue Fairy?"

"She just gives Belle some reason why she has to go help the Charmings now.  We can work out the details later."

"Hey, and we can send the Dwarves and Granny along! Maybe for some fight scenes later, if we can squeeze them in. Oh! And send Grumpy to the ball! I want to send Grumpy to the ball!"

“Does Belle go to the ball?"

"Uh . . . sure. Why not?"

"Because she's worried about her dying husband?  And does she even have a way to get back to him? Or are they trapped in another world again? Why did she even agree to this?"

"Grumpy talks her into it. We'll work out the details later. Oh! And they can get attacked by one of the knights at the ball! No one will see that coming!"

"Maybe because the knights have no reason to attack anyone at a ball?  Why is this knight doing that?"

"Because--because--Uh, maybe Regina wiped out his village or killed his family or something. And--and Arthur put him up to it! Because, Arthur's evil! No one will expect Arthur to be evil!"

"Yeah, that’s a great idea! And that means it'll be OK when Guinevere leaves him for Lancelot."

"Wait, we're going to have Guinevere leave Arthur for Lancelot? Why are you always coming up with stories where people dump their spouses, anyway?"

"Huh? What's wrong with that?"

"Seriously? You need to ask that question?"

"Well, she's leaving Arthur because he's evil."

"What kind of evil are we talking, anyway? Subtle? Overt?"

"Well, he’s an evil husband, so. . . .  Forgetting his wife's birthday? Works late and never spends time with her?"

". . . .I see.  Well, so long as we have ultimate evil properly defined.  Does this mean she’s already left him when the season starts?"

“Nah, breakups are always more exciting if you can get them to happen on screen. Oh! You know what would be great? Let’s have Belle breakup with Gold! That would be a fantastic twist.”

“Right. Because, no one would think we’d _dare_ use that one _again._ Why are they breaking up this time?”

“She needs time to think things over or something.  We’ll figure it out later.”

“Hey, are we going to have a scene in the bell tower? We have to have a scene in the bell tower.”

“You sent them to Camelot. How are they going to get back to the bell tower?”

“We’ll just have someone cast the curse again.  Why not Rumple? He’s evil.”

“Rumple’s not the Dark One anymore, remember?  And you left him in a coma in Storybrooke while Belle’s in Camelot with no way to get back to him except an evil curse. How’s he going to do it?”

“He’s not the Dark One?  Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.  It was part of the big finale.  Do you even watch the show?  Emma’s the Dark One.  Do you want her casting the curse?  Whose heart should she use?  Hook’s or Henry’s? Because, let me tell you, there will be trouble if you off a sweet, lovable kid who’s been there since the show started.”

“I thought Hook wasn’t there till the second season.”

“I meant. . . . Never mind. We can’t kill off Henry, either.”

“What we need is for someone else to be the Dark One—Oh, I know!  Hook can be the Dark One!”

“Hook will be the Dark One? He kills Emma? She’s the main character!”

“He’ll kill someone else to cast the curse.”

“Not the curse!  He can’t become Dark One without killing Emma!”

“Really?  Who came up with that rule?”

“You did! Back in the first season!”

“So, we’ll do it some other way.  We’ll work out the details later.  Then they can both be the Dark Ones.”

“There’s a reason it’s the Dark _One._   You can’t suddenly have other Dark Ones.  How does that even work?  What are you going to do? Have a few legions of Dark Ones show up in Storybrooke? It’s a small town. They’re going to have to kill off half the people there just to avoid a housing crisis!”

“We’ll work out the details later.”

“Fine, fine.  Getting back to Guinevere and Arthur.  Has she noticed he’s evil? Is there a reason they haven’t broken up yet?”

"Uh . . . maybe he put a spell on her so she thinks they're happy? Until she figures it out. Then we can have some fight scenes."

"Yeah! I love it when the whole cast walks down the street looking all determined before they have a fight! We've got to put that in!"

"Do you know how many times we've already put that in?"

"So, what's wrong with doing it again?"

“Everyone will remember the last time we did it and wonder why we’re doing it again?”

"Hey, I know how to fix it!  Let's have spells on everybody! They've all forgotten what's going on!"

“I meant the _audience_ , not the _cast._ ”

“So?  We’ll work out the details later.”

"Fine, who cast the memory spell? Evil Hook? Evil Emma? Zelena?"

"Zelena? Is she still around?"

“Yes, she’s still around! You were the one who signed the actress! And she will have _nothing to do_ if everyone else is in Camelot and she’s in Storybrooke.”

"Ooh! Ooh! I know! Zelena has the magic shoes only she can use! That's how they get to Camelot!"

"The shoes can only take one person."

"So, we switch the shoes with a magic _wand_ only she can use. Stop being so difficult.  We can figure it out the details later. She uses it and takes them to Camelot."

"Why would Zelena want to go to Camelot? Wouldn't she want to go to Oz?"

"So, she tries to go to Oz and somebody manages to change their direction. We'll go back and fix the details later. Zelena gets to Camelot and she teams up with Arthur. Because he's evil."

"Right, because the line between forgetting your wife’s birthday and teaming up with a sociopath to destroy the world is such a thin one. And how will we beat evil Arthur and Zelena?"

"I don't know. We can have Regina use the wand to send Zelena to Oz. That'll fix her."

"Using the wand only Zelena can use?"

"We'll figure out the details later."

(Six months later)

"You never figured out the details, did you?"


End file.
